By: Audrey Cadena
This one goes out to all of our cisgender readers.
“I use normal pronouns.”
“I don’t care about pronouns.”
“Oh, we’re all girls here!”
Have you ever heard someone say any of the three statements above, or something similar? Or perhaps, even used some of these statements yourself? Were you aware that statements like these assume the pronouns and gender identities of people in a harmful way? If not, consider this article as a resource; I’m here to tell you that these statements make harmful assumptions, and should be avoided at all costs. Still not following how these statements are harmful? Here’s why: one’s physical appearance and choice of fashion expression is not enough to determine what pronouns that person uses or how they identify themselves gender wise. Additionally, pronouns are a way to describe someone’s identity, however they do not define someone’s identity alone. Thus, it’s important to normalize the practices of stating which pronouns you use when introducing yourself, asking others which pronouns they use, and checking your own pronoun privilege.
If you rarely think about your own gender pronouns and have never had to worry about someone using the wrong pronouns for you, then you have pronoun privilege. This means that you have experienced the privilege of not having to worry about which pronouns someone uses for you based on how they perceive your gender. It is important to recognize this privilege, and to know that there are many people who do not experience pronoun privilege.
Statements like “I use normal pronouns” undermine the concept of asking for people’s pronouns and ostracize those who use pronouns that would not fall under this “normal” blanket statement. It is also confusing as there is no universal definition for “normal” pronouns. If someone says that they use “normal” pronouns in reference to the longstanding societal norm of cisgender women using she/her pronouns and cisgender men using he/him, then that definition of “normal” excludes people who are not cisgender (people who are transgender, nonbinary, etc.) as well as people who use they/them pronouns or a combination of other pronouns (i.e. she/they, they/she, etc.).
Although some people may say the statement, “I don’t care about pronouns” in terms of themselves, and not care what pronouns other people use to refer to them, it’s important to make the distinction between that and coming off as someone who doesn’t care about the pronouns that others use, as that is disrespectful and rude. Alternatively, statements like, “we’re all girls here” may not directly involve people’s pronouns; however, it does assume the gender identities of the people in the situation. Without already having the knowledge of each individual’s gender identity, a statement like this puts the people in this scenario — who may not identify as girls — in an awkward and uncomfortable situation, where they have to decide whether or not to correct you and how they might choose to do so.
Using the pronouns that someone asks you to refer to them with is one of the most basic forms of respect. You should treat someone’s pronouns with the same respect that you would when calling someone by the name that they asked you to call them. It is especially important to make a conscious effort to use the correct pronouns for people. During instances where you’re addressing people who’s pronouns you don’t know, stick to using they/them pronouns and other gender neutral terms to avoid misgendering them. Keep others accountable as well when using gender pronouns, and correct them when appropriate. If you happen to mess up someone’s pronouns, correct yourself and continue to move along in the conversation. Don’t make a big deal out of messing up, or put the person who’s pronouns you’ve messed up on the spot — they shouldn’t feel pressured to have to respond in any way due to your own mistake. Similarly, if someone else corrects you when you make a mistake regarding someone’s pronouns, simply thank them and continue to move on. Don’t take offense to this correction or perceive it personally in any way, as it is not about you.
It is also critical to note that people may choose to change the pronouns they use, which is perfectly acceptable. The pronouns a person chooses to use for themself never has to be a set thing they need to adhere to for their entire lives — so it’s important to recognize this and be able to adapt to using new pronouns for someone if they do choose to use different pronouns.
If all this information on gender pronouns is new to you, that’s okay. If you aren’t used to stating your pronouns when introducing yourself or asking people for their pronouns, that is also okay and is something that you can get accustomed to now. The most important part about checking your pronoun privilege is to acknowledge that not everyone will have the same experiences as you do, and to make sure that you make the effort to respect everyone’s pronouns.
Aside from stating your pronouns when introducing yourself to new people in person, there are many places online where you can add your pronouns (in social media bios, zoom profiles, email signatures, etc.). The following links showcase different places where you can add your pronouns and feature instructions on how to do so for different platforms:
Adding Pronouns to Instagram Profile
The Revival Zine 